Tag: healing

Anxiety, Addiction & the Fear of Being Still

The truth is; I’m fucking terrified. Of being still. I work really hard at filling my moments with things that feel good. I’ve long since replaced the bad-for-me “feel good” things with things that I believe are good for me. Instead of mind altering and body numbing additives that attack my liver, and blood and […]

Read More

Walking Through the Fire

I have been walking through a multiple alarm fire.  It feels like hard stuff. My fear has tempted me to hide under the bed and endure a little more smoke. At least I could crawl up in a ball there and feel safe. My higher power has encouraged me to challenge the flames and focus […]

Read More

Rainbows and Seasons

There were some sad spots in my day today. I was missing My mom quite a bit and wanted to call her. For the first time in 20 months it sunk in that this would never be a possibility again. Denial? Time? I then thought about calling 2 or 3 other people who I used […]

Read More

Questioning, Questioning. Death and Rebirth. People and Things.

How much validation is there in the Christian practice that seeing the dead body helps to obtain closure? Do the Jews get over it much more slowly than those that have the ritual of an open casket? If so, I think I’m ready to see it, the dead body. (I don’t really want to see it.) But […]

Read More

Obligation v. Spirit

I am choosing my spirit over obligation. It took a long time to decide this because I was of the mindset that I could fulfill both my promise to stay in my marriage and preserve my spirit. When the sacrifice poisoned more of my spirit than it promoted, I battled to sync the two. It […]

Read More

“Enlightenment is Imminent” (In the Spirit of the Hawk)

I get to feel out loud when I write. It qualifies what is inside and makes it more real. Accountable, vulnerable, exposed and real. Why not? If judgments are coming my way they are coming whether I expose my humanness or not. They are coming whether they are accurately evaluated; or not. Putting myself out there […]

Read More

Heartbroken. (We Have to Carry Each Other & the Infinity 8)

Waking up and putting my feet on the floor and going to spin class after crying for two days was not easy for me. The point is, even though I felt like dying, I’m not dead. And as long as I’m alive I have a job to do. And that job is to live. As […]

Read More