Tag: acceptance

Inner Truth Trumps Fear, Every Time

I have become entranced by the propeller that sits idle just outside my window. It works its way into a crescendo rotating into a magical Spin Art image that brings me back to a memory of my son at the age of 6; squeezing paint in different colors onto a spinning cardboard canvas. I am […]

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Anxiety, Addiction & the Fear of Being Still

The truth is; I’m fucking terrified. Of being still. I work really hard at filling my moments with things that feel good. I’ve long since replaced the bad-for-me “feel good” things with things that I believe are good for me. Instead of mind altering and body numbing additives that attack my liver, and blood and […]

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Walking Through the Fire

I have been walking through a multiple alarm fire.  It feels like hard stuff. My fear has tempted me to hide under the bed and endure a little more smoke. At least I could crawl up in a ball there and feel safe. My higher power has encouraged me to challenge the flames and focus […]

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Rainbows and Seasons

There were some sad spots in my day today. I was missing My mom quite a bit and wanted to call her. For the first time in 20 months it sunk in that this would never be a possibility again. Denial? Time? I then thought about calling 2 or 3 other people who I used […]

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Questioning, Questioning. Death and Rebirth. People and Things.

How much validation is there in the Christian practice that seeing the dead body helps to obtain closure? Do the Jews get over it much more slowly than those that have the ritual of an open casket? If so, I think I’m ready to see it, the dead body. (I don’t really want to see it.) But […]

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Questioning Commitment and Truth

I walk into a long overdue yoga class after weeks and days of feeling overwhelmed by my life. I have not been to a 12-step meeting in a long time either. Emotional and spiritual practice: Fail. Nor have I blogged. My sponsor poses the question as to why I think that is. I want to ignore the question […]

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How I Know a Dove Represents My Mom

This Island, Culebra, offers a generous representation of morning doves. Cooing, floating, making sure I know they are there. It’s quite comforting. It has become clear to me in this moment, why, on the morning of my mother’s burial (my birthday) that the Universe presented her to me on the roof of a neighbors home in […]

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Using a Cold Pile of Snow to Feel

It’s just taken over me.  An intense shot of adrenaline stepped into my wake and created waves of my emotions.  They are screaming “pay attention, don’t you see you’re avoiding me?”  It is the voice of my almost-adult challenging my troubled child to to face the unpleasant feelings. (Okay, maybe it’s more like anxiety or fear though adrenaline sounds so […]

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Drum Circle, Full Moon, Cathedral Rock, AZ

From a short distance away I listen to the drummers orchestrating a beat as the full moon reveals itself to Cathedral Rock, one of the infamous vortexes in Sedona, AZ.  I have been led here in spite of those that indicated that the drum circle doesn’t happen here at this time of year.  Either way I […]

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