Category: Recovery

Anxiety, Addiction & the Fear of Being Still

The truth is; I’m fucking terrified. Of being still. I work really hard at filling my moments with things that feel good. I’ve long since replaced the bad-for-me “feel good” things with things that I believe are good for me. Instead of mind altering and body numbing additives that attack my liver, and blood and […]

Read More

Questioning Commitment and Truth

I walk into a long overdue yoga class after weeks and days of feeling overwhelmed by my life. I have not been to a 12-step meeting in a long time either. Emotional and spiritual practice: Fail. Nor have I blogged. My sponsor poses the question as to why I think that is. I want to ignore the question […]

Read More

Is Physical Exercise, Too, an Addiction?

  https://youtu.be/82Znw2UYH4c In her book “Women, Food and God” Geneen Roth points out “It’s not about the weight but it’s not not about the weight”. I can replace the word “weight” with quite a few others that challenge me to contemplate cause and effect. While my efforts at recovery over the years (mostly from food, though […]

Read More

Weird… or Unique?

I have been writing quite often lately. It has afforded me to step outside of myself and reflect on what is churning and perhaps look at my circumstances from a different perspective. My son Caleb, (at the time almost 9) has taken notice to this. I have been writing on my tablet and my iPhone […]

Read More

Change, Rebuilding & the Tapanzee Bridge

It’s a new sunrise, in total disguise.  Even the great forces of the universe show up in contrast to themselves over the course of their journey.  I am crossing my favorite bridge.  The dark sky and rain cast an image of gloom that I am challenged to look beyond.  I permit myself a moment to […]

Read More

Using a Cold Pile of Snow to Feel

It’s just taken over me.  An intense shot of adrenaline stepped into my wake and created waves of my emotions.  They are screaming “pay attention, don’t you see you’re avoiding me?”  It is the voice of my almost-adult challenging my troubled child to to face the unpleasant feelings. (Okay, maybe it’s more like anxiety or fear though adrenaline sounds so […]

Read More

When to Duct Tape

My daughter is having ACL (knee) surgery so I am writing. I walked with her into the hospital early this morning fighting the demons that churn in my soul regarding not only my own unpleasant experience with ACL reconstruction but perhaps more intensely the return to this hospital where I spent so much time watching my […]

Read More

Drum Circle, Full Moon, Cathedral Rock, AZ

From a short distance away I listen to the drummers orchestrating a beat as the full moon reveals itself to Cathedral Rock, one of the infamous vortexes in Sedona, AZ.  I have been led here in spite of those that indicated that the drum circle doesn’t happen here at this time of year.  Either way I […]

Read More