I often look to nature for symbolism and answers when I am internally conflicted. Internal conflict amounts to confusion, frustration, anger, fog, and a host of other uncertainties that I am not fond of. Birds often provide me with some clarity and a shot at detangling the message if I am able to get to a quiet enough place to allow it. For me, dIfferent species of birds signify loved ones who have passed. I associate the Morning Dove with my mother who very often coos and flutters in my presence when I am longing for one of her supportive conversations or hugs.

Seeking the support of nature, I walk to my sliders and tie back the curtains. The giant pussy willow tree that my mother rooted from a graft that originated from a tree in my grandmothers back yard, presents herself. It is from this vantage point that I discover a lot of awareness.

I rarely see a Blue Jay in my yard, let alone in my pussy willow tree. This morning I spy 3. Three angry birds. I say this because, as beautiful as they appear, Blue Jays have a reputation for being nasty. According to the Audubon, Blue Jays “may feed on almost anything, and are also quick to take advantage”. This is exactly how I have felt over these last 2+ years as I desperately tried to dodge the squabbles that have been uprooted surrounding the decisions regarding my mother’s trust. I have tried to avoid the banter and go with the flow, eventually realizing that I am in it, like it or not. My “cooperation” has not exempt me from ridicule, judgement and slander and my boundaries require much more effort than a line in the sand. When I see these Jays, I have to chuckle because there are 3 of them. One bird metaphorically representing each of my mother’s children. I do not want to be a part of this angry group and I am. There is a clarity here that clues me in to the fact that I have some (more) work to do. A bit of unsettling is going on. I want to be okay with the outcome I am about to succumb to except my logic disagrees with what has been laid out. It is a hard place to get to because I finally believe I am worthy of being heard and I’m not sure that turning the other cheek on the facts is the way for me to stand up for that worth. At the same time, it is a wasted effort to preach to those who are unwilling to hear. I am searching for a way to concede and forgive simultaneously. This dance in nature illustrates that I am no different than any other angry bird, even if I want to be. I find a ray of hope in the humor and a release shows it’s light when a Morning Dove sweeps the pussy willow tree leaving me with an enlightening “coo”. With this, I realize that I can let go. Perhaps not in this second but in the time the Universe has determined that my lesson in the matter has been successfully completed. I am grateful for my willingness to stay open enough to allow new interpretations. It is a huge influence in my ability to conquer the lesson.