Category: Uncategorized

The Queen and the Pawn

I was playing chess with Caleb the other day. It’s been a while. I had to brush up on some rules and we helped each other along the way.  I studied the players; their power; their worth. What has stuck with me over the last few days is Caleb’s question: “Isn’t it possible to get […]

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Beyond My Comfort Zone

It’s amazing what happens to my body and mind when I wade through the waves of something I am uncomfortable doing. I am self-trained at avoiding conflict at all costs. Putting up my hands to defend myself when I could just suck up the punches is a foreign arena. It numbs me and distorts my […]

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Rainbows and Seasons

There were some sad spots in my day today. I was missing My mom quite a bit and wanted to call her. For the first time in 20 months it sunk in that this would never be a possibility again. Denial? Time? I then thought about calling 2 or 3 other people who I used […]

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Obligation v. Spirit

I am choosing my spirit over obligation. It took a long time to decide this because I was of the mindset that I could fulfill both my promise to stay in my marriage and preserve my spirit. When the sacrifice poisoned more of my spirit than it promoted, I battled to sync the two. It […]

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Letting Them Grow

I walked into the restroom at the rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike on my way down to Temple University so I can hold my daughter, Dreya’s, hand at the age of 18 when she got her wisdom tooth extracted. There was a little platinum blonde girl (as Dreya had been) at the sink washing […]

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The Perfect Brokenness of a Sand Dollar

One of my great joys when I am walking on the beach is to look for natural treasures. I feel like I have hit the jackpot if I find a whole and perfect looking sand dollar. Perhaps it’s the calming bisque color, each uniquely stamped, containing similarities with enough distinctions to exhibit ones individuality from the next one that sparks my […]

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Questioning Commitment and Truth

I walk into a long overdue yoga class after weeks and days of feeling overwhelmed by my life. I have not been to a 12-step meeting in a long time either. Emotional and spiritual practice: Fail. Nor have I blogged. My sponsor poses the question as to why I think that is. I want to ignore the question […]

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Progress.

“I, friend, do not reject the present moment to pursue what time will bring. I reject what time will bring to pursue the present moment.” -Sammidhi, (Deciple of the Buddha)   The thing about progress is that it never equates to flipping a switch. Often times I know where I want to be. My experience […]

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Feeling Yucky at 9… or 49

Sometimes my little guy withdraws. If he is angry or annoyed or sad or experiencing anything beyond what most of us would describe as simple, unpleasant emotion he clams up and there is what feels to me like an impossible wall to penetrate. I keep trying. I keep hoping. It breaks my heart because, for […]

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Gray Skies at Gardiner

Sunrise today is not how it’s been. Two minutes past and the sky is gray; not bright and colorful as I’ve been experiencing so often.  This sky-scape captures it’s own magnificent beauty. I am appreciative of the feeling it has to offer. I love that I would not normally interpret this moment as beautiful though […]

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