Inner Truth Trumps Fear, Every Time
I have become entranced by the propeller that sits idle just outside my window. It works its way into a crescendo rotating into a magical Spin Art image that brings me back to a memory of my son at the age of 6; squeezing paint in different colors onto a spinning cardboard canvas. I am on a 72 seat aircraft 10 hours into my journey to visit him, now a grown young man 16 years beyond my memory. We await takeoff and I have an opportunity to methodically reflect as the blades of the prop intermittently block out the sun, causing a strobe light effect that further induces the state of connection that occurs when the subconscious meets the present. When I am successful at transforming what once was my fear, the joy in this one and only life bestows itself on the throne of magnificence. It is a practice that is worth whatever effort it takes. Galen, my oldest son, has taken on a teaching role at the Cape Eleuthera Institute, http://www.ceibahamas.org/ located on an island 50 miles east of Nassau, Bahamas. I observed his behavior some months ago as he approached his decision to accept this opportunity. There was the anguish of uncertainty and the unknown knocking on his soul that seemed to escalate as the reality of this move became evident. He was able to reject the fear and anxiety and replace it with wonder and excitement. Enough so that the grace of the unknown became more powerful than the haste of not seeing it through. I am so proud of him for working through it. My heart is so warm that he has chosen this path. I have yet to get the true sense of what his world looks like and this is part of the reason for my trek to be with him. I sense, in the way that only a mother can, that this has been a positive move for him. That he has grown and learned beyond his capability to conceptualize it. Most times (all the time?) the Universe trumps logic and delivers if we give it the reigns.
If we’re lucky… If we are courageous enough to listen and leap, blessings begin to replace fear. It is the reason why I feel the arms of God (if you were looking at my view from this airplane window you’d understand why I chose to call this power bigger than myself “God” right now) wrapped around me offering up the enormity of the turquoise, teal blue waters dotted with islands on my way to give (and receive) the first hug I have had with Galen in over 2 months. He will be waiting to pick me up at the airport. Had I allowed my fear to win, I would miss it. (Like: fear of flying; of a prop plane; of being alone; of the unknown; of the water; of happiness; of not being good enough; etc. etc. etc.). I don’t want to miss it. Of that I am certain. When I surrender, I make room for joy.
We begin our descent and the beauty continues to unfold before me and there is somehow a knowing that Galen is exactly where he is meant to be. I am comforted by this knowing. I am looking forward to this reunion and soaking in just what the canvas of his spin art creation looks like now.