Tag: letting go

Inner Truth Trumps Fear, Every Time

I have become entranced by the propeller that sits idle just outside my window. It works its way into a crescendo rotating into a magical Spin Art image that brings me back to a memory of my son at the age of 6; squeezing paint in different colors onto a spinning cardboard canvas. I am […]

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Anxiety, Addiction & the Fear of Being Still

The truth is; I’m fucking terrified. Of being still. I work really hard at filling my moments with things that feel good. I’ve long since replaced the bad-for-me “feel good” things with things that I believe are good for me. Instead of mind altering and body numbing additives that attack my liver, and blood and […]

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Rainbows and Seasons

There were some sad spots in my day today. I was missing My mom quite a bit and wanted to call her. For the first time in 20 months it sunk in that this would never be a possibility again. Denial? Time? I then thought about calling 2 or 3 other people who I used […]

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“Enlightenment is Imminent” (In the Spirit of the Hawk)

I get to feel out loud when I write. It qualifies what is inside and makes it more real. Accountable, vulnerable, exposed and real. Why not? If judgments are coming my way they are coming whether I expose my humanness or not. They are coming whether they are accurately evaluated; or not. Putting myself out there […]

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Letting Them Grow

I walked into the restroom at the rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike on my way down to Temple University so I can hold my daughter, Dreya’s, hand at the age of 18 when she got her wisdom tooth extracted. There was a little platinum blonde girl (as Dreya had been) at the sink washing […]

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Questioning Commitment and Truth

I walk into a long overdue yoga class after weeks and days of feeling overwhelmed by my life. I have not been to a 12-step meeting in a long time either. Emotional and spiritual practice: Fail. Nor have I blogged. My sponsor poses the question as to why I think that is. I want to ignore the question […]

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When to Duct Tape

My daughter is having ACL (knee) surgery so I am writing. I walked with her into the hospital early this morning fighting the demons that churn in my soul regarding not only my own unpleasant experience with ACL reconstruction but perhaps more intensely the return to this hospital where I spent so much time watching my […]

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Drum Circle, Full Moon, Cathedral Rock, AZ

From a short distance away I listen to the drummers orchestrating a beat as the full moon reveals itself to Cathedral Rock, one of the infamous vortexes in Sedona, AZ.  I have been led here in spite of those that indicated that the drum circle doesn’t happen here at this time of year.  Either way I […]

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