Go Forth Into the Fog

I am craving a beautiful sunrise.  Or at least a sunrise that I can witness.  Though I’m mostly a believer, sometimes my soul asks for proof.  A powerful sunrise offers that to me.  I’m not going to get that this morning and I’ll have to trust that I’ll find some other way.  When I wake up and see how thick the fog is I alter my course and drive to the trail head that leads into the woods instead of going to the open bay.  If I allow it, the Universe will give me what I need.  Today is no exception.  Perhaps the painting that I crave is too sudden to experience after yesterday’s emotional day. The reality that Christmas will be here without the presence of my familiar… my mother, my children, and my friends is apparent now. Like the Grinch I can’t stop Christmas from coming, even with all of the unplanned emotions.  As I approach the pond it’s difficult to detect if there is actually water there.  A solid wall of light gray fog serves as the back drop.  I can make out the silhouette of about a dozen ducks charcoal in their image.  Swimming toward me to take center stage are two graceful white swans bringing me a message.  I am not in a place this morning to hear that message as clearly as I’d like to.  I am in a fog of my own.  I do however know that I am worthy enough to be chosen to witness this carefully orchestrated scene.  My feelings of loss and abandonment and sadness from yesterday and yesteryear still linger.  Sometimes my feelings about things are clouded and absent of clarity.  I believe that when life feels overwhelming that God grants me a protective fog to surround me and keep me from too much.  And while I love my clarity so much, sometimes it’s just not suitable for my state of mind.  I am being taken care of with this fog, like a big fluffy pillow softening the blow.  Like the scene on the pond I only need to take in the outlines and the simplicity of what is being offered.  It’s okay for all else to remain unclear only to be revealed when it’s time.  While I woke up hoping for the beauty and power of a colorful sunrise, the universe knew I was not ready.  So into the fog I must go trusting that this remedy is exactly what I need at this point in time.